Down Day

Today has been a bit of an off day for me today. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and although I have meds, I can still feel down. I don't know if anyone will ever actually read this blog, but for me it's kind of like my own 365 project. Regardless of how I feel or what I have done, if I can make an entry in this each day,Chen I am doing well.

I think that the reason I feel bad today is down to being on holidays from college. I moved down here about a year ago, and the only friends I have made have been through the course. Now that that has finished, I am back to being alone. All my best friends live 120 miles away in Aberdeen. I can't go out, as I have the kids to look after whilst the wife is at work, and I have no money or job to tide me over. The only respite I will have will be once a week doing the SA training over the summer. I feel like I am in limbo with nothing changing till summer ends. The only reason I got up this morning was because I had to, so that I could go and get some shopping from the supermarket, (which was limited as well due to finances!)

I can't think of what I will do for the next six weeks. When I lived in the old house before moving here, if I felt like this, I could just jump on my motorbike and take a ride through the glens to distract from the solitude. That's not something I can do down here, as the only bike I have needs a lot of work to get it roadworthy, and I can't afford to get the parts I need.

These feelings suck! I don't like them at all, and I wish they would just go away. Desperation has been setting in all day, and all I want to do now is go to bed. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. If not, this is going to be a hell of a long summer.

Sol